Supporting an addict without enabling bad behavior can be incredibly challenging for family and friends. Your natural instinct when you have a loved one’s addiction is to most likely try to shield them and make their lives easier. Unfortunately, these are the types of behaviors that lead to enabling, which can actually be very harmful for those battling addiction.
Getting help for someone you care about needs to become a priority instead of protecting them from themselves. You need to identify behaviors that could be enabling your loved one so that you can support them without hindering their long-term recovery. To do this, you first need to understand what enabling looks like.
In this article, we discuss how to support an addict without enabling them so that they can build confidence and accountability.
First: Let’s Understand Addiction and Enabling Behaviors
Addiction is a complex issue that affects not only the individual struggling with it but also their loved ones. Enabling behaviors can be a significant obstacle to recovery, as they can perpetuate the addiction cycle and prevent the individual from seeking help.
How do enabling behaviors fuel active addiction?
First, let’s define our terms.:
- Addiction is a chronic disease that affects the brain’s reward system. They ultimately lead to compulsive behavior and a loss of control over substance use.
- Enabling behaviors, on the other hand, are actions that unintentionally support or perpetuate the addictive behavior. These behaviors can be well-meaning but ultimately have negative consequences, such as prolonging the addiction cycle and increasing the risk of relapse.
It’s clear why enabling can create more underlying issues during recovery. If family members enable an addict to continue their addiction cycle, other family members might follow along. This may result in a negative feedback loop that encourages addicts to continue making excuses and following destructive habits.
But although enabling behaviors can harm, delay, or even prevent a loved one’s recovery, there are ways to avoid this by setting healthy boundaries.
Keep reading for a list of enabling habits and how to address the underlying causes to better support an addicted person.
Signs That Your Enabling Behaviors Are Affecting Your Loved One’s Addiction
One of the worst things you can do if you have a loved one who is an addict is to enable their substance abuse behavior. Although most people recognize this, enabling can take many forms, so you may not immediately recognize it.
Here are some common signs that you are enabling an addict, which may actually be encouraging their addiction.
Ignoring Bad Behaviors
Addiction and drug abuse are uncomfortable subjects, and it can be very difficult for loved ones to acknowledge them, especially when it is happening to a friend or a family member. However, turning a blind eye to the addiction is not going to fix the problem.
By avoiding confrontation and unpleasant conversations, you are silently showing your approval for the bad behaviors. Most addicts struggle to acknowledge their addiction, even to themselves, so this silence can further validate what they are already telling themselves.
Providing Too Much Support
Possibly, the most common sign of enabling is when you provide too much support for an addict. It is crucial to stop enabling such behaviors to encourage recovery and prevent further dependency. Addicts do need support when they are in recovery, but this can easily become a hindrance to their progress.
Your loved one needs to become accountable for themselves and take some responsibility in their lives. By freely providing excessive amounts of support, you are taking on accountability for them, limiting their ability to become independent and confident in their own abilities.
Examples of enabling by providing too much support include:
- Providing housing without requiring rent or chores
- Giving them your vehicle without limitations
- Meeting all of their financial needs
Neglecting Other Responsibilities
Those who are enabling an addict will often focus too much attention on the addict while neglecting other responsibilities in their lives. You may be neglecting other friends and family members, making the addict your sole priority. You may even find that you are neglecting yourself and your own life, which can ultimately lead to resentment.
Although your loved one should still have a place in your life, you cannot drop everything else for their sake. This isn’t beneficial for either of you and can cause a variety of issues, such as unhealthy emotional dependence.
Supporting an Addict Without Enabling: What You Need to Know
Supporting an addict without enabling them can be very difficult, especially if they are family. If this is something you are struggling to do, here are some tips that can help you create boundaries and balance in your life.
Disconnect Emotionally
Something that people are encouraged to do when supporting an addict without enabling them is to disconnect emotionally. You need to disconnect out of love as this will actually help them as they are in recovery.
Disconnecting allows you to provide support without becoming too emotionally involved in the addict’s life. This can help you to avoid enabling bad behavior or excusing their actions. Connecting with professional organizations, such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), can offer valuable resources and support for families navigating addiction issues.
Do Not Take Blame
When you are supporting somebody with addiction, you cannot allow yourself to become the scapegoat. Addicts struggle when it comes to accepting responsibility for their actions and their addiction. Because of this, they may try to place blame on those around them.
Do not allow yourself to be the cause of their problems or accept blame. Not only will this make you feel guilty, but it will prevent them from being able to take accountability, which is essential for long-term sobriety.
Allow Them to Feel Uncomfortable
Recovering from addiction is an uncomfortable process, and you cannot protect your loved one from feeling the full effects of this. To avoid enabling, you need to allow them to feel the repercussions of their actions.
Some examples of this include allowing an addict to sit in jail overnight instead of immediately bailing them out. Or, you may need to kick them out of your home if they refuse to follow your rules or stay sober.
Provide Actionable Solutions
To avoid becoming overly involved in your loved one’s life when they are struggling with addiction, you need to focus on solutions. Instead of fixing their problems for them, provide actionable solutions that they can initiate on their own. For instance, you could help them find an addiction treatment program to begin their recovery journey. Addiction treatment programs offer various options such as detox, inpatient, and outpatient programs, emphasizing the importance of family involvement and therapeutic support.
If an addict is having money problems, help them look for job openings. Or, if they need a place to live, open your home to them with the expectation that they will pay rent or contribute to the household in some way.
Set Clear and Healthy Boundaries
If an addict is going to have a place in your life, they need to have boundaries. Setting clear boundaries benefits you as well as them by ensuring the relationship is supportive, not enabling.
By having boundaries, you are telling your loved one that you still love them, but you do not love the addiction or the bad behavior. The boundaries you set should help to protect yourself and other loved ones. These boundaries are especially important if you have children or other vulnerable people in your life that could be negatively impacted by the addict’s actions. Involving the entire family in setting these boundaries can help heal relationships and support the addict’s journey toward recovery.
Seek Family Therapy and Support Groups
Entering a family therapy program can be a crucial step in understanding your own reasons for enabling and learning how to support your loved ones in a healthier manner. Many of these programs are complementary in rehab or are offered for free in community-based settings.
You should look for family therapy sessions that offer support such as:
- Support before, during, and after interventions
- Encouragement for multiple family members (siblings, parents, spouses, etc.)
- The ability to connect with other families, professionals, and support staff
Help Your Loved One Get Addiction Treatment Programs With My Time Recovery
As much as you want to help and protect your loved one, enabling addictive and bad behaviors is only going to hurt their chances of recovering from a substance abuse problem. Because of this, you need to quickly identify enabling behaviors and emotionally detach yourself. After all, addiction recovery is something that individuals have to decide to do for themselves. You cannot make this decision for them.
Do you want to get help for someone you care about who is struggling with alcoholism or an addiction to drugs? Contact us today at My Time Recovery for more resources surrounding addiction recovery and treatment programs.
